Plastic Surgery

Wow, I'm so behind on this topic! Heidi probably has gotten ten other surgeries by now. I've been neglecting this post only because there is so much to say about plastic surgery. I recently had lunch with two Christian girls from an elite university and they were so against plastic surgery. They're good girls, but also single. haha. jk. ok, they are single, but. anyway.

So I used to work at an up-and-coming plastic surgeon's office in Beverly Hills. Check out his website. I learned a lot from working there, for eg, if you take Vicodin with alcohol you get a really nice high. Or that you should never assume the rather young man who picks up the "overflowing" patient with a new set of double Ds is her husband who paid for the surgery. Interesting thing I observed (of course my inner academic researcher comes out) is that contrary to my hypothesis that young white girls get breast augmentation, it is usually the recent Vietnamese divorces with white younger boyfriends who get them. ok, that was a heavy loaded sentence there. Yes. Asian women dating white men getting gargantuan ta-tas. Did you get an image?

Anyway, so since I clearly have a lot to say about plastic surgery, I will focus on breast augmentation for this entry. I can't comment on Heidi anymore, too much said and written on her already. I think the girl needs a break. She looked fine before but this new look works too. I guess the problem is her obsession with plastic surgery. She's gonna end up looking like Donatella Versace in a few years unless she slows down with the distorted image. But, there are really great cases too like when Ashley Simpson got her nose job. The discourse around her surgery wasn't, "I can't believe Ashley Simpson succumbed to surgery!" but rather more like: "oh, much better." I was happy for her. I was never a fan of either of the Simpson girls, but Ashley's nose allowed me to get past her Simpson family tree.

So here's the breakdown on breast augmentation. You can either choose silicone (Dr. 90210 charges 8k for this pair) or salines for a smaller fee. Silicones are FDA approved since 2008 but salines have been around for much longer. If you want to have an umbilical breast augmentation which leaves no scars, then salines are your only choice. However, they don't feel as "real" and sometimes when you're tossing around in bed, you can hear the swishing noise from the salines. It's like the water bed resurrected!

Silicones feel more natural but they can only be done through the areola or the underarms.

The caution for breast augmentation in general is that you must be diligent about massaging them so that they don't develop scar tissues or harden. About 5 minutes a day for the life of them is the way to go. There's also the risk of your body rejecting the implants which isn't super common but it happens. I usually see how excited ppl. are to get their "pointers" that they hardly pay attention to these warnings. Then the few ppl. who need surgery to fix the problem or in worse case, have them removed cry and get all upset over the mishap. If you find a good doctor who is plastic surgery certified, the problem is usually the patient, not the doctor. In any case, it's important to take this caution seriously before proceeding with surgery.

The more common problem is that the size ends up looking much smaller than expected. This may be a huge disappointment if you were expecting to appear on Stuff magazine. At the same time, going too big can make it really obvious and ppl. in your office may assume that since they're fake it's ok to look and touch.

Ok, one more cautionary note. Getting breast augmentation will NOT make you more beautiful. It might make you feel sexy but sexy also doesn't mean attractive (at least not all the time. I'm thinking of the mom in American Pie and Peggy Bundy). If it boosts your self-esteem then go for it, but it will not magically make you more pretty. And why would you want men who want you for your bosoms? Ok, no need to answer that. But just letting my readers know. big boobs does not mean more game. If you want to be more beautiful, then we gotta look at a different example, i.e. Ashley Simpson's nose.